The story with a thousand comments

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Rob Cockerham, the genius behind cockeyed.com,(and one of the few, the proud, the Honorary Mad Scientists) decided to assemble an “Elite Comment Strike Force!!!” and auction off 1000 blog comments.

Watching this auction on eBay, one of the things that surprised me was the set of “Similar Items on eBay”; Rob wasn’t alone– and the other guys are serious! There are titles like “100,000 US BLOG Visitors to your BLOG! Real Traffic,” and “200 Articles To Boost Your Article Directory/Blog #3.” I hadn’t really appreciated that there was a market for this sort of mercenary blog traffic. I’ll have to keep that in mind next time that I’m a sleazy scum-of-the-internet spam-blog operator!

Do we need to buy hits for our web page? Well, no. It’s not like we have any advertising on this page with which to make money. But we are indeed willing to pay for the privilege of being the web site that was the victim of Rob’s “Elite Comment Strike Force!!!”

Naturally, I bid, along with 23 other eager folks. The final price was $90. (Hey, free shipping!)

So, here it is: This is the story with one thousand comments. Strike force, do your worst!!!

To help get things rolling, here’s a prompt (which you are completely free to ignore): “what are you going to be for Halloween?”

Update: 10/11/2006, 8:28 AM PST 172 comments so far.

Additional prompt (which you are completely free to ignore): “What kinds of apparatus and instruments for helping to take over the world would you like to see instructions for at evilmadscientist.com?”

Update 2: 10/11/2006, 2:13 PM PST 530 comments so far.
More than halfway there! Here is my favorite comment so far, which is from Anonymous @ 152.2.115.201:

“I hope you’ll recycle these comments when you’re done with them. If your local recycling service won’t accept comments, you can always take them out back and compost them. Beautiful new comments will begin to sprout from the pile in just a few days. First there’ll be little tendrils of haiku. Then longer, more robust slogan vines. Let the natural levels of text succession take their course and you can watch a full-grown treatise grow from what was once a jumble of useless, hackneyed comments.”

Update 3: 10/12/2006, 8:21 AM PST 930 comments so far: The home stretch!

I have found it highly entertaining to watch the dynamic of nest building. We start out with comments like “I challenge you to a bet to see whoever can make a comment string nest to the MAX first!” and “I just want this to nest until only one word shows per line.”

And then, of course, we get dozens of comments about the success of that plan of attack: “I find it difficult to read your blog, because I have to scroll horizontally. You may want to consider correcting this.”

By the way, if you’re having difficulty finding a certain post, you can try using the search box near the top of the left-hand column to help find them. It works pretty well.

Update 4: 10/12/2006, 9:51 AM PST 1000 comments! (Well, 1000 including quite a few from persons– such as myself– who are not members of the elite comment strike force, you slackers!)

(Click the “Reply” button below to post a comment.)

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1,193 thoughts on “The story with a thousand comments”

  1. I love that "whoring" is "related"

    now whoring I can talk about.
    err..wait…was that the thing I’m not supposed to talk about?

    damn.

  2. There is a brave man named Windell
    Who created a story on E.M.S.L
    For the specific place
    Of a 1000 comment race
    And it cost him $90 in all…

    1. I’m quite jealous that you won the auction. All the fame and glory that was
      supposed to be mine is now yours! I like the site.

  3. I get the sense that perhaps the winner of the auction should have asked for the 1000 comments to be distributed across his site, rather than all lumped on one article.

      1. But having 1 post with 1000 comments is ofcourse utterly cool…

        I am curious how many people stick to keep looking at this site after the 1000 posts are made.

  4. I’ve been reading your articles for a while, and I have to say, this was pretty weak. Hope that you put a little more effort into the rest.

    Love the website though ( just thought this one was lacking)

    YOUR BIGGEST FAN
    john jacob jingle himer schmit

  5. Ok, kids, here’s the deal, in this comment thread, you may add a piece to the story by clicking on "reply". Probably best if you reply directly to this entry, so that it keeps everything in order and doesn’t indent like crazy. I’ll start…

    Dirk woke up in an interrogation room. The last thing he remembered was ordering one of those big blue drinks that come in a fishbowl with the little paper umbrellas on it.

    2. Although, considering what you usually pay for a drink these days, it still sounded like a pretty good deal.

      1. He was just beginning to wonder how he got in this interrogation room, when the door creaked open.

        1. And there was Santa Claus with sunglasses on. Way too early, it wasn’t even December. And how did those kidnappers knew he always hated Santa?

          1. Santa placed a box on the table.
            It was wrapped in pink paper and had a fir-green ribbon.
            Dirk eyed it nervously.

            1. He noticed that the paper was actually white, and the pink color was from a soft red glow that seemed to be coming from inside the box. Dirk’s hands started to tremble.

                3. Dirk looks up to Santa with a bemused look on his face. He says "Well,
                  Santa I’m a bit miffed at this, I have been good all year and all you can be
                  bothered to give me is this bloody trash!"

                4. Santa wordlessly shatters a bottle of Coca-Cola against the table and holds the shards of the neck a fraction of an inch from Dirk’s face. Dirk’s nervous smile receeds. He starts to remember flashes of the previous night’s events.

                5. "Ya know," replied Santa. "Everyone always thinks they’re good. But I got the goods on you. Let’s talk about the time last March 26 that you . . .

                6. Well…erm….yeah…erm….I…I…I know, but I really didn’t know she was my
                  sister at the time.

                7. "Oh Really fool?" said Santa, brandishing what was left of the bottle menacingly. "How’d you like me to stuff this up your chimney?"

                8. I’d love to see you try FAT MAN!!!, screamed Dirk as he lunged towards Santa. I am going to kick your a#$!!

                9. "Ouch", screamed Santa, blood dripping from his little finger on his left hand. He knicked his finger with the bottle, and in the ensuing confustion, Dirk, who had regained composure, stood up, and walked out of the open door, down the hall, and out the door marked EXIT. There was 6" of snow on the ground, it was cold, but he was out!

                  "Taxi", he screamed.

                10. A yellow cab pulled over and Dirk hopped in immediately.

                  “Where to, pal?” asked the driver.

                  “Just Drive.” said Dirk. The cab slowly pulled away from the building and into traffic. Just as Dirk was beginning to feel safe again, he noticed that the cabbie had his air conditioning turned up all the way.

                  “Hey cabbie,” said Dirk, “What gives with the AC?”

                11. "Ho! Ho! Ho!" chortled the cabbie, turning to reveal his long grey beard and cherry cheeks. "I see you when you’re sleeping. I know when you’re awake."

                  Dirk reached to open the door but there were no handles on the inside. "Jesus Christ!" Dirk screamed, "Where are you taking me?"

                12. Santa laughed manaiacally as he roared down the countless maze of blind alleyways.

                  “You’ll see soon enough! You’ve been very very naughty this year! HO HO HO HO HO HO HO!”

                  The cab’s brakes suddenly locked and the cab spun wildly, caromming off of the brick alley walls and metal dumpsters before crashing to a halt.

                13. "let’s say we’re going on a little trip" the cabbie said, eyes glinting menacingly
                  "I hope you brought warm clothes"

                14. “Get out!” roared Santa, kicking Dirk into the filthy, snow covered alleyway.

                  As Dirk got to his feet, he realized that he was completely surrounded by an Elite Snowman Strike Force! Their coal eyes glinted menacingly above their carrot and button noses.

                15. Snow Goons, he thought, thinking of his favorite cartoon character, Calvin. If only he had a Hobbes to help him through this snow maze. The snow was black, like powdered sugar dusted with gun powder. It didn’t look good, and it didn’t smell good. KA-BOOM went all the snowmen strike force agents. They blew apart into snowflakes and a pile of carrots, leaving Santa and Dirk standing there amazed. Once again, Dirk took the opportunity of confusion, and began to run.

                16. Evenetually, staggering and snowblind from wandering the maze of alleyways, Dirk stepped over an open manhole and plunged straight down 80 feet, twisting the bejeezus out of his ankle.

                  “Dammit!” he expleted.

                17. "Stupid me. I shouldn’t have cussed, having just survived an 80 foot fall and all I got was a twisted ankle. I should be thankful, especially since down here in this labyrinth world I know find myself in, voila, there’s the emergency clinic. I hope they take Blue Cross!"

                  Dirk staggered in, dragging the one leg behind him. The receptionist was a short little woman with pointed ears. She was wearing a green felt outfit, and spoke with this annoyingly squeaky voice. "Welcome to the 1224 Clinic. How may we serve you today?"

                18. "I seem to have twisted my leg here," Dirk said.

                  "Oh," she said, handing him a small bag. "Sprinkle a little bit of this pixy dust on it and it should be fine by morning."

                19. but the bag was smelling way too bad… so he exchanged it for a BigMac which finally left him with a stomach ache and a injured ankle.
                  Dirk really wanted to find Santa, he needed to know why first of all santa Drugged him, was he g a y?
                  And them, why didn’t he left him half-dead in a lost lane?
                  What does he want out of him?

  6. This site is getting ****eyed!

    I wonder how many people cooperate.
    (I keep getting this message of spam. Probably because of ****eyed?)

    Btw… it’s 9 cents a post.. that’s quite cheap isn’t?

  7. Congratulations man! That’s sweet! Now you get a comment all the way from Australia.

    Tell ya what though, looks like it’ll be fun looking through the rest of your blog here. I guess I might as well advertise my boring spot on the intenet as well…

    http://dhowes.blogspot.com

    Have fun, and keep bidding!

  8. You BASTARD! I had bid $61.oo on 1000 comments. Well I bow to the superior foe, and pledge my fealty to EMSL.

    Word!

  12. This All Hallowed Eve I shall be Dr. B Orpheus, cleverly disguised as a pasty white, hillbilly. A hillbilly NECROMANCER!! The concept of this costume came to me from the aether (and my good friend The Alchemist).

    Ahhh yes, ahem, "Go Team Venture." Indeed.

    Oh yeah, PULE.

  14. …and I just wrote the fifth. I don’t know where I got the inspiration or why they’re called the sith. Spent my whole life just digging up this thread’s shallow grave for the four comments in me and the fifth one I just made.

  15. It took me way too long to figure out how to leave a comment. Am I just an
    idiot?

    And to answer the question, I’m going as The Red Baron.

  16. I’ve got a tried and true one I did a few years back. Now that I’ve moved I can bring it back out: Lloyd Dobler. I’ve got a boombox and an iPod with and radio transmitter on it. I just set the iPod to play a continuous loop of "In Your Eyes" the entire night and tune the boombox. Works like a charm.

  20. Elite force commando s/n10238 Reporting for assignment…

    What can I say- a very honest article… I tought, I would have to sit through some lame story about a dying pet or such. But this is good, thanks for making my life easier!! You rock xoxo!

    1. It is so creepy how celebrities die in threes! Maybe I can make that into a halloween costume…

    1. Windell is an awesome name. You can guarantee you’ll probably never meet someone with the same name as you… although I do know two people who’s middle names are "Ignacious"

      Small world.

      1. Ignacious is a dumb middle name. What’s with all the dumb names here? Where are the Bill, Bob, and Brians?

  24. What? I don’t get this. I’m supposed to be commenting on a blog about how you paid $90 for the 1000 comment s on a blog about how you…. Oh no you don’t.

    Seriously, couldn’t you have bllogged about something, ANYTHING, besides the comments? Weak, dude. Powerful weak.. The comments are supposed to be about the blog, not the other way around. Now you are going to have 1000 very lame and stupid comments about nothing whatsoever.

    About what you’d expect from a guy named Wendel.

      1. Oh, your comments are all very nice. I’m just saying it would have been nice of Windell to blog about, oh I don’t know, the price of cinammon in Sri Lanka, or the the chance Green Bay has of making it to the Superbowl, or a story about a friend who had a cat that died, or about his new Mitsubishi Montage. Or ANYTHING really. But a blog about comments, especially about comments that have yet to be made, it just a sad little circle jerk. I mean, look at this! I’m commenting on a blog about comments? WTF?

        1. But, you’re doing it for Rob. Your e-friend, Rob. You’ve seen him in a Fandango costume, in his underwear, as Dr. O on Spiderman, you’ve watched him tan, turn over a car and smash it to bits, steal his neighbor’s waterhose, count the number of seeds in a giant pumpkin, and wrap Rice Krispy treats in saran wrap. Maybe one day, you’ll see him in real life. In the mean time, post again.

          For Rob.

          Maybe you know a story about a friend with a cat.

          1. Well, no but I have a story about a cat. My fiancee and I recently adopted a nice little stray kitten who we had been feeding for a while. He is all black and his name is Peek. He is very affectionate and playful and we are very happy to have him as a new pet.

            So that’s for Rob, and it’s my third post, which fulfills my obligation to the ECSF. It’s been a pleasure serving you Rob.

            Wendel, you are a total CHUD to have squandered 1000 comments and $90 on a blog this lame. Shame on you.

  26. Good thing I didn’t have to sign up for an account on here to leave this comment, or else I probably wouldn’t have left it for you.

    1. I wanted to be a meter maid for halloween. Where I come from, they drive these very distinct tricycle motorcycles. My costume would be actually scary! $45 tickets!

    3. When a group is trying to accomplish something, and they reach the 19% complete mark, it is not a negative sign. It is a positive sign.

  29. i have a prom dress that I want to wear for Halloween. Should I be a dead teenager or a living one?

    2. I’m going to be a hula girl for Halloween.

      Mind you, I’m a fat 45 year old gramma, but I’m gonna do it! Coconut bra, grass skirt, lei, and all. (I will wear my leggings under the skirt…the coconut bra?…hmmm)

    1. For years, I would plan to be nothing for halloween, until two hours before it got dark, there would be this big party that arrived out of nowhere, and all the people that weren’t dressed were just lame. So, I finally figured out that it paid to figure out a costume before the night before.

  31. Did you really spend $90 for this? I mean, it’s cool and all, and Robby C. is one dang good businessman, but seriously. $90 is, like, 90 double cheeseburgers from McDonalds. You could fill your front seat with double cheeseburgers and turn your car into a cheeseburger-mobile. That would be awesome.

    2. you know, you could also get 90 of those yummy Hogi Yogi ice cream/cookie samwiches for $90.00.

      that’s a lot of calories

    3. money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money
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      money money money money money money money money money money money money moeny money money money
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      money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money

  33. What I want to be when I grow up for Halloween?
    Hmmm…How about Chris Hanson from Dateline, busting more online sleeze, er…entrapment victims?

  34. Haha, comment 1 of 1 for me. Nice site.
    I like how you made a blog specifically for the strike force, very outside of
    the box of you. Anyways, have fun with your bounty, and take care.

    Dave

    1. I can’t remember if this is my fifth comment or my other one was my fifth comment. So you mightbe getting an extra one out o f me.

      Any way, good job on winning the bid!

      – Carl
      theWAREHOUSE

    1. Where would a young handsome newbie Evil Scientist start out? Is there an internship program or can I get coffees for the elders and start my long journey to world domination?

      Are there any classes at the community college I can take?

      Should I have some business background in addition to the scientist skills to help with building my empire?

      Is there a handbook?

      Do I get badges as I gain status as an Evil Scientist?

      You should have a Getting Started link for these and other questions.

  38. hmm so apparatus to take over the world.
    How about a killer banana, and i dont just mean converting it into a gun. oh well just a thought.

    coment strike force!

    1. I won’t be satisfied until this comments section has a very tiny little handle on the scroll bar over there.

  39. I am thinking Evil Santa, Get a worn Santa Suit, get drunk and tell every kid you can find that Halloween is a made up celebration that is not worthy of their participation, then kick their dad in the crotch and run away.

  40. I’m so happy that you are the winner of this auction because it directed me to your site!

    I have yet to read anything but this article so I’m hoping it lives up to my expectations.

    Mad scientists untie!

    1. I forgot to add:

      I work for http://www.madscience.org/ – hence why I would have an interest in your site.

      I’m actually going to be a Mad Scientist for Halloween since I will be doing dry ice presentations for my kids classes and then a party that night. Yay dry ice!

  42. Bizarre coincidence that this should be the winning site, since
    just yesterday I was here, reading about the supercaps you were giving
    away.

    You see, my co-worker and I were making weaponry out of various
    computer repair parts and sundry equipment sitting around the
    workbench. Following our creation of a nail firing mechanism (using
    compressed air, coffee stirring straws, and nails with the heads cut off),
    we decided to look around the ‘net for ways to use various parts from
    within some scrapped computers, and, lo and behold, we ended up here,
    enjoying some of the more bizarre concepts from the list of
    ideas from your supercapacitor giveaway    .

    Cheers to your winning bid, and, if you ever get a large stockpile of
    nails you hope to give away for nefarious purposes, please keep me in
    mind.

    1. It couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy! Or, rather, an eviller guy. More evil guy. Comparative. Yep.

      I’ll be dressing up as a steam shovel for Halloween. My daughter will be a Ditch Witch.

  44. A real mad scientist would feel most at home paying himself for Halloween, no need for costumes.

    Time to reek some havoc, spread some evil plan, take over the world or at least a local carnival…but watch out for meddling teenagers and their scooby snacks…

  45. Well, at least y’all got my first name right! Not bad. ;^)

    Just commenting so as to help Rob deliver on what he auctioned off.

    Anne in Fort Worth

  46. I’ll respond to the prompt:

    "What kinds of apparatus and instruments for helping to take over the world would you like to see instructions for at evilmadscientist.com?"

    I would like to see instructions for transferring songs FROM your ipod onto your (or your friend’s) computer. Because Apple sucks, and the person who figures out how to do this could easily take over the world…. I’d support him or her!

    I’m glad to contribute to your 1000 comments. Rob is cool.

    -special k

    1. You know what I’ve never heard of? A great halloween costume that no one saw. It seems like that would be a pretty typical halloween tragedy, but I’ve never heard of it ever happening. I DO know the story of a guy who threw a party and had NO ONE show up though. Tragic. Tragic.

  47. My posts are not on topic.
    I start new threads.
    I didn’t read all the other messages.
    My subject is not clear.

    I’m such a rebel!!

  49. I think that you should write about some sort of enormous ray, and use that to take over the world

Comments are closed.