The story with a thousand comments

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Rob Cockerham, the genius behind cockeyed.com,(and one of the few, the proud, the Honorary Mad Scientists) decided to assemble an “Elite Comment Strike Force!!!” and auction off 1000 blog comments.

Watching this auction on eBay, one of the things that surprised me was the set of “Similar Items on eBay”; Rob wasn’t alone– and the other guys are serious! There are titles like “100,000 US BLOG Visitors to your BLOG! Real Traffic,” and “200 Articles To Boost Your Article Directory/Blog #3.” I hadn’t really appreciated that there was a market for this sort of mercenary blog traffic. I’ll have to keep that in mind next time that I’m a sleazy scum-of-the-internet spam-blog operator!

Do we need to buy hits for our web page? Well, no. It’s not like we have any advertising on this page with which to make money. But we are indeed willing to pay for the privilege of being the web site that was the victim of Rob’s “Elite Comment Strike Force!!!”

Naturally, I bid, along with 23 other eager folks. The final price was $90. (Hey, free shipping!)

So, here it is: This is the story with one thousand comments. Strike force, do your worst!!!

To help get things rolling, here’s a prompt (which you are completely free to ignore): “what are you going to be for Halloween?”

Update: 10/11/2006, 8:28 AM PST 172 comments so far.

Additional prompt (which you are completely free to ignore): “What kinds of apparatus and instruments for helping to take over the world would you like to see instructions for at evilmadscientist.com?”

Update 2: 10/11/2006, 2:13 PM PST 530 comments so far.
More than halfway there! Here is my favorite comment so far, which is from Anonymous @ 152.2.115.201:

“I hope you’ll recycle these comments when you’re done with them. If your local recycling service won’t accept comments, you can always take them out back and compost them. Beautiful new comments will begin to sprout from the pile in just a few days. First there’ll be little tendrils of haiku. Then longer, more robust slogan vines. Let the natural levels of text succession take their course and you can watch a full-grown treatise grow from what was once a jumble of useless, hackneyed comments.”

Update 3: 10/12/2006, 8:21 AM PST 930 comments so far: The home stretch!

I have found it highly entertaining to watch the dynamic of nest building. We start out with comments like “I challenge you to a bet to see whoever can make a comment string nest to the MAX first!” and “I just want this to nest until only one word shows per line.”

And then, of course, we get dozens of comments about the success of that plan of attack: “I find it difficult to read your blog, because I have to scroll horizontally. You may want to consider correcting this.”

By the way, if you’re having difficulty finding a certain post, you can try using the search box near the top of the left-hand column to help find them. It works pretty well.

Update 4: 10/12/2006, 9:51 AM PST 1000 comments! (Well, 1000 including quite a few from persons– such as myself– who are not members of the elite comment strike force, you slackers!)

(Click the “Reply” button below to post a comment.)

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1,193 thoughts on “The story with a thousand comments”

  1. This halloween, I am going to dress up as the Pope. Not scary you say. Well, my family are PRESBYTARIANS!

  2. This is my comment. This is my comment. This is my comment. This is my comment. This is my comment. This is my comment. This is my comment. This is my comment.

  3. You should tell me how to take over the world using music. In the future, all wars will be fought over music. It’s happening in my school right now.

  4. Hey dude love your blog and good luck with the comments.

    I am not part of the strick force, but will chip in on your way to the second thousand comments.

  5. For Halloween i plan to be at home reading a book with a do not Diturb sign on my front door.

  6. I have a great shirt that is also a box disguise, so I think I may go as a box for Halloween.

    It would be even better if I could get someone to be a UPS man.

  7. For halloween, I was going to dress up in a Red Bull shirt, sports gear, a pair of crutches, and find a way to hide or disguise one leg. I was going to be the quintessential "one legged man in an ass-kicking contest", complete with energy drink sponsor. :D Problem is, I have to be on my feet too much this halloween to go one-legged, so I’m working on a new plan. :p

  8. one time i was going to email nude pictures of myself to this hot chick that i was talking to…well..i accidently sent them to my grandparents in toledo…not a good time at all

  9. i thought about going as a pirate but then i decided instead to dress up like a goth kid and drink coffee at perkins..well…..it worked well..but i guess a lot of other people got the same idea…b/c there were lots of ppl dressed goth drinking coffee

  11. i’m sorry..i know chuck is played out as heck..but he invades my dreams…it’s ok though…b/c he kicked freddy kruger’s ass

  15. Personally, I would really like to see instructions for an evil weather machine. Yes, a good old-fashioned evil weather machine!

  16. In big-money halloween costume contests, the "hot waitress" costumes will not win. In smaller contests, a hot girl will almost always win, but at a certain level of competition, No matter how hot a girl is, the audience will go with the giant contraption/stagecraft costume.

  17. Hello! I am not officially part of the comment task force, But I thought I would put in my 2 cents anyways.

      1. OK, um, if you insist.

        Thr was onc a guy who ownd a kyboard that didnt hav an "" ky. Th ky accidntly got lost whn h lt his cat play with his kyboard. As a rsult of his actions, h couldnt us the "" ky anymor -h thr had to typ words that didnt us th "" ky, or just misspll th words with no "".

        Anyway, on day, hi cat tartd playing on hi kyboard again, and g what?!! Hi "" ky wnt miing too! H now wa forcd to not u hi "" ky or "ky" in vrything h typd! H wantd to buy a nw kyboard, but h didnt have nough ah for it.

        Fat forward a few day, hi cat playd on hi kyboard agai, and ow, hi "" ky wet miig! Oh dar h thought, how am I goig to typ with no "", "" or "" key! What a dlma!

                5. I agree!

                  What a great idea! I will win this bet and I will be able to retire!

                  I bet $1 Million dollars that he will loose his "7" next!

                7. What do you disagree to? Is it the Million dollar bet, or over the issue if the story should be continued?

                8. What if he is disagreeing over both the Million dollar bet, and over the issue if the story should be continued? You didnt give him that option in your post.

                9. He could have also been disagreeing to the "Lets agree to dissagree", or the "lets dissagree to agree" thingy back there.

                11. Sorry, my bad.

                  I will try very hard not to make that mistake again in the future. I feel very bad about my assumtion that it was a "he" -I feel sick to my stomach over this. Oh god, I hope he/she/it will forgive me!

                12. Oh my god! I feel so bad for you!

                  I too was once in a situation like that! It was like so terrible, I had to call all my friends to get them to come over and comfort me during the ordeal. Never again will I call a "him" a "her"!

                13. ME 2!

                  It happened to me back one year ago. I had problems with my phone so I had to call BELL to get it fixed. However, instead of talking to a person, you end up talking to "Melody the talking computer" instead. Anyways, this talking computer talks in a female voice -I still knew it was a computre, but it accidently slipped my mind. When I finally got to talk to a real person, I said "The lady on the line that I was talking to before you came on the line said a technition would be over in 24 hours", and of course he corrected me by saying that "She" was actually a talking computer, and therefore an "it". I got so upset that I just hung up the phone and puked all over the floor! I never got so sick to my stomach before in my life!

                  What a delema!

                15. Quit joking around! This is a very serious issue!

                  I guess you never had the misfortune of calling a "she" a "he", or vica-verca. Or maybe you have, but you have pushed the tromatic experience so far back in your conciousness that you have completley forgotten of the experience except for your now "harsh" personality!

                16. So, how much further do you think we can nest our comments? Im kinda wondering if there is a limit, or can we just keep on going forever?

                18. I agree!

                  I will win this bet and I will be able to retire! (I also need some insurance just incase I loose my other bet).
                  I bet 1 Million dollars that it will go on forever!

                19. Betting is evil, people loose there money, houses, families, jobs, cars, funiture to betting. I think people should not bet.

                20. What about their doors? People have lost doors in bets! You cant forget about doors, I’m sure some of them ment a lot to the people that lost doors in bets. Can you even imagine living in a house with no doors?!

                21. I bet my side door that it will NOT go on forever!

                  I would bet my front door, but unfortunatly I lost it in a bet last week over what colour car the neighbour would buy.

                22. Unfortunatly, due to unforseen circumstances, I will have to retract my bet of one side-door in this bet. It turns out I had a longstanding debt to my co-worker, in which I promised him an area rug, but since I do not own any area rugs, we worked out a deal where I could give him my side door as payment instead.

                23. So, what about that 1 Million dollar bet? Or should I say *two* one Million dollar bet? Or should I say *tw* n Milli Dllar bt?

                25. The 1 Million dollar bet is of non monitary value. Whatever that means.

                  I’m guessing it applies to both bets?

                26. I should clarify, when I said a one million dollar bet, I was looking for someone to give ME one million dollars. I never said anything about ME having to give anyone One Million dollars if I lost a bet (or two million).

                27. But isnt it estimated that todays generation will need 2-3 Million in the bank to retire by the time they reach 60?

                  Wont you need a lot more then that to retire at your age and never have to work again for the rest of your life? (assuming you are 20ish, and you live till you are 80is).

                28. Assume? Assume!??!

                  Dont you know what damage you have done when you assumed he/she/it was "20ish"?!?!

                  Didnt your parents/fosterparents/grandparents/nanny/caregiver teach you any manners?

                29. So, what happens now? I’m getting a scroll bar.

                  This is kind interesting as to what exactly will happen with each post now. I think we are about to reach a touch-stone of our generation, just like other generations had the JFK assassination, Vietnam, WW1 and WW2, the Challenger explosion, 9/11 -we will have the incredible nested comments.

                31. So close now. We shall never forget this day in our lives.

                  We shall also see what key the guy will loose off his keyboard next!

                33. Scrollin Scrollin Scrollin
                  Keep this nest a scrollin
                  Scrollin Scrollin Scrollin
                  Cockeyed!

                35. What if I have to type a long word like "incomprehensible"? Or what if I have a really long last name like "Brunswickszwagger"?

                36. OK, I guess "incomprehensible" and "Brunswickszwagger" were both too short for that last post, but not maybe for this one!

                37. Wow, two guesses and they are both wrong! Good thing I didnt bet my bathroom door on it!

                  OK, lets try now. What happens if I type "Brunswickszwagger"?

                38. This is very interesting. I will only type short words from now on. I think it will expand to the logest word used.

                41. Wow, how the hell did that happen? I got 84% on this test that just happened, and I dont recall doing it! All I had to do was not use long words, so I didnt type anything -try to figure that one out.

                42. I challenge you to make a longer nested string of comments! We will film it and show it on the daredevil TV show "I Challenge You"!!!

                43. So, is anyone going to make a Wikipedia entery on this event? It is, afterall, a touch-stone event of this generation.

                44. How about this?

                  I CHALLENGE you to make a Wikipedia entry on this string of nested comments. We will film it and show it on the daredevil TV show "I Challenge you"!

                47. I Challenge you to make this scroll bar excessivly long! We shall film it and show it on the TV daredevil show "I Challenge you"!

                49. Sir! I accept that challenge! Together, we shall contact the producers of "I Challenge you", and we shall have the event filmed and aired on the daredevil TV show "I Challenge you"!

                50. I push my face against the wall
                  the more I push the more I get
                  increasingly tall
                  but face to wall and getting tall
                  no one can say for sure if all
                  that happens when you push the wall
                  is that you get a bit more tall
                  for once one gets as tall as all
                  the pushing faces ‘gainst the wall
                  can ever do, what then befalls
                  someone whose face is on the wall?

                52. if you put
                  a long word
                  into your reply
                  the scrollbar moves
                  a bit more to
                  the right
                  and then
                  you have to
                  reply
                  a bunch more times
                  if you want
                  to make
                  a
                  really
                  thin
                  post

                61. Hello World!
                  I am the mighty nested comments post. Come feed me with more nested comments so that I may grow very wide.

                65. We are the giant sideways mountain!

                  Wearethegiantsidewaysmountain!

                  Wear ethe giants id eway smount ain!

                  Wear ether giants it away mount rain!

                68. Anyone remember the sho "I am Weasel"?

                  Dont you just love I R Baboon? I’m kinda thinking of making a shirt like his, you know the one that says "I R Baboon" upside down, and with the backwards R.

                69. So whats that longest word?
                  Was it "Anitestablishmentism"???

                  Here is a list I got from a search:
                  PNEUMONO­ULTRA­MICRO­SCOPIC­SILICO­VOLCANO­CONIOSIS
                  (also spelled PNEUMONO­ULTRA­MICRO­SCOPIC­SILICO­VOLCANO­KONIOSIS)

                  TAUMATA­WHAKA­TANGI­HANGA­KOAUAU­O­TAMATEA­TURIPUKAKA­PIKI­MAUNGA­HORO­NUKU­POKAI­WHENUA­KITANA­TAHU
                  -hill in New Zealand.

                70. I’m kinda tempted to post the chemical term for the Tobacco Mosaic Virus. The site says its a full 1,185 characters long.

                75. Anyone else play wicker ball? Its a game I made up in my head -I have no idea what the rules are, or what the playing field looks like, how many people get involved in the game, or even what type of ball is used. I guess since its a made up game, there arent any other players out there, but still I mind as well ask just to be sure. ;)

                76. Sir, I challenge you to a game of Wicker Ball. We will have the event filmed, and it will be aired on the daredevil TV show "I Challenge you"!

                77. Rules of Wicker Ball:

                  -The Ball is to be made of a hollow wicker ball -of about 1 1/2 diameter. The weight or type of wicker is not regulated.
                  -The playing field can be anything of any size or boundries or hazards, with any type of playing surface -including grass, deep water, buildings. The only regulation is that the playing area is identified before game time.
                  -The goal area will be identical to a regulation soccer net -however minor adjustments to size is allowed -they may be placed anywhere in the play area.
                  -A goal is scored everytime the ball is thrown, kicked, carried or rolled into the net of the opposing team.
                  -After every goal, the Wicker Ball is returned to a common area that is agreed upon by both teams -placement of players is entirely optional.
                  -The playing ball may be interacted with in any way.
                  -Only one ball may be in play at any time
                  -Destroying the ball is allowed, when this happens, a new ball is returned to the common area agreed upon by both teams, and the game is resumed.
                  -The wicker ball must vagly resemble a wicker ball when it is used to score a goal.
                  -The game ONLY ends when 50% or more of the players are dead, or require a hospitalization stay of one full day or longer. When the 50% (or greater) mark happens, all game play is immedietly stopped, and the winning team is determined by who has the most goals.

                  (common, I needed to give the game a spin so that it would be shown on the daredevil TV show "I Challenge you") ;)

                78. Oh yea, forgot a rule.

                  -What happens at Wicker Ball, stays at Wicker Ball, except when the event gets filmed and gets broadcasted to the public.

                79. To answer a few questions about Wicker ball.

                  -The ball is made of a hollow wicker ball, so that it may be easily destroyed. Destroying the ball can be a usefull strategy in the game.

                  -There are no rules stating that vehicles, tanks, helicopters, boats or any other type of machinery cant be used.

                81. Oh, here we go!!

                  Ok, well not yet, we still got a few more posts till the limit is reached (that is, assuming there is a limit).

                  On a side note, on one of those shows on Discovery Channel about a place crash, one of the pilots last words on the voice recorder just before the place crashed into the ground and killing everyone was "Here we go!". If I was a pilot and I knew I was going to die and that my voice was going to be recorded on a Black Box, I would choose something more funny to say, such as "I molested a chicken once!".

                82. Can we have Melody the talking computer make a post? I really think Melody should be a part of this touch-stone moment.

                83. Ok, there is a scroll bar now, but there still seems to be some sort of limit just further off to the right. I’m really wondering what will happen when we reach that.

                  This is truely a touch-stone of this generation! :o

                85. I challenge you to a bet to see whoever can make a comment string nest to the MAX first!

                  We will film this and have it air on "I Challenge you" TV show.

                87. Have you ever specifically tried to avoid "he" or "she" becuase you can’t really tell what it is? That’s really uncomfortable. Your sentence structure gets so convoluted that it becomes really obvious you are trying to avoid the issue. You might as well just call it "shim".

                88. I Challenge you to call the next person a "shim". We shall film it and air it on the daredevil TV show "I Challenge you"!

                89. I want to har mor about th kyboard with th missing "s" ky! It is rally a story I can rlat to.

                  Plas continu!

                90. Oe day, h had to go goy hoppig. Aft oig 3 ky to th at, h wat about to ave hi omput ao with hi at. H put hi dog on a a ight bid th omput too kp hi at away fom hi kyboad.

                  Big mitak -h didt oo on ky off his kyboard -h ot thr of them! ow h at u hi "", "", "", "", "" ad ""!

  19. that if you extended your tax return last April 15, it is due this coming Monday, October 16!

    Free Tax Advice.

  21. Another world-dominating technology we could use: How to expose the XBox 360’s web browser functionality. Sigh.

    —
    Colin (www.entirelysafeandfun.com)

  22. As a proud member of the 5th Amendment Comment Strike Force, my comment is:

    No comment!

    1. Wow! I totally finished my (extended) taxes last night! Weird to see that post! Hooray! It was easy once I sat down and did them.

    1. I, too, am contractually obligated; however, I need only supply a single comment.

      If I can talk my buddy into it, we will be Bob and Doug MacKenzie, from Strange Brew. If you haven’t seen it, you’re missing a classic movie. The best part is, I have a black dog, and I want to paint a white stripe down her head so she looks like "Hosehead."

      1. OBLIGED! Not obligated! There’s no such word as obligated! It’s obliged! Dagnabbit! You might have an obligation, but you’re obliged.

        Same thing with everyone saying readability! It’s LEGIBILITY.
        *Sigh* What’s the state of language coming too these days?

        Thank you, the grammar police.

  29. Can’t Believe I am resorting to this______________ 2BB
    Well, instead of art, here is the actual bulk of this comment-
    You make a mulligan joke, you follow up with a Magic joke.
    Always. No matter what else you do.
    And a Collector’s Number joke, for fellow geeks

    Creature- Electronic Posting

    When this creature comes into play, absolve
    Ariamaki Risenki of his posting duties.
    When this creature leaves play, for size reasons, laugh.

    AR (5/5)___________________________5/5

  31. I was too lame to sign up for the strike force, but I thought I’d tag along.
    You may get 1001 comments. I’m planning on dressing as Billy Bob
    Thorton’s character (Carl) from Slingblade. I’ve been working on the voice.

    1. This page was created in .55 seconds. I have a feeling that is going to slow down a bit as the day goes on!

  34. I’m going as Shawn of the Dead – dress shirt, pants, blood all over me and baseball bat.

  36. Wooo for Halloween!! Seeing as how I go to UCSB, Halloween is the
    biggest party of the year, spanning about 6 days. Some girls on my hall
    already have 6 costumes all ready. I, for one, still have to go shopping for my
    costume.

    But it will be uberskanky, of course. I’m leaning toward a sheriff, with short
    dress and handcuffs.

  37. Elite comment-force commando s/n10238 Reporting (again) for assignment…

    Wow, I had not seen the (skewed) 14segment diplays before (I always experimented with 7segment displays during my school days).

      1. darn!, I cant even count now!! … I counted just 14 segments…. "They are apparently no longer carried", wow. I skipped through an entire generation of displays…. Me thinks sometimes it is good to be growing up in the "developing countries" as we tend to skip a few rungs of tech-ladder.

        That was Elite-task force commando s/n 10238 reporting ;)

    1. No this is not a haiku. I tried growing my hair out after 12 years of shaving it. Couldn’t stand it. Went back to shaving again. Phew. One comment down, one more to go.

  41. It’s raining outside and I have big plastic boots to keep me dry, but I think I’m going
    to lie down and watch Mystery Science Theater instead of going to class.

    1. I have fulfilled my comment obligation already, but I feel the need to pick up the slack!

      Maybe for Halloween I’ll be a Geek Scout. I’ll have badges for things like "Comic Colection". And of course, a special "Elite Comment Force" Badge. Because that’s what being Elite is all about. Badges.

    2. Yore, you’re and your. Its, and it’s. Their, they’re. Contractions are really two words…the apostrophe is a que that there are missing letters. UR is not a word…knock it off you 14 year old text messaging fools. Grumpy old man OUT!!

  42. Hey! My last comment was rejected by some sort of SPAM filter :-(
    Truly, the ELITE force’s abilities are needed.

    1. Gotta say, if I was going to taje over the world, I would really want to have some sort of laser. y’know the sort to disintegrate people on sight. Not that I would use it in anger, ut maybe…

  46. I’m going as Rainbow Brite. Last year I was Red Fraggle, and the year before
    I was Michaelangelo. The turtle, not the painter. Halloween is the perfect
    combination of hot glue and nostalgia.

  48. Looks like you’re going to get quite a few interesting comments. This is 3 of 7 for me. I like the blog. Especially since I’m an evil genius.

  50. I´m not part of the Elite Comments Strike Force!!!
    I´´m an rogue comment-mercenary!! buahahaa!!

Comments are closed.