The story with a thousand comments

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Rob Cockerham, the genius behind cockeyed.com,(and one of the few, the proud, the Honorary Mad Scientists) decided to assemble an “Elite Comment Strike Force!!!” and auction off 1000 blog comments.

Watching this auction on eBay, one of the things that surprised me was the set of “Similar Items on eBay”; Rob wasn’t alone– and the other guys are serious! There are titles like “100,000 US BLOG Visitors to your BLOG! Real Traffic,” and “200 Articles To Boost Your Article Directory/Blog #3.” I hadn’t really appreciated that there was a market for this sort of mercenary blog traffic. I’ll have to keep that in mind next time that I’m a sleazy scum-of-the-internet spam-blog operator!

Do we need to buy hits for our web page? Well, no. It’s not like we have any advertising on this page with which to make money. But we are indeed willing to pay for the privilege of being the web site that was the victim of Rob’s “Elite Comment Strike Force!!!”

Naturally, I bid, along with 23 other eager folks. The final price was $90. (Hey, free shipping!)

So, here it is: This is the story with one thousand comments. Strike force, do your worst!!!

To help get things rolling, here’s a prompt (which you are completely free to ignore): “what are you going to be for Halloween?”

Update: 10/11/2006, 8:28 AM PST 172 comments so far.

Additional prompt (which you are completely free to ignore): “What kinds of apparatus and instruments for helping to take over the world would you like to see instructions for at evilmadscientist.com?”

Update 2: 10/11/2006, 2:13 PM PST 530 comments so far.
More than halfway there! Here is my favorite comment so far, which is from Anonymous @ 152.2.115.201:

“I hope you’ll recycle these comments when you’re done with them. If your local recycling service won’t accept comments, you can always take them out back and compost them. Beautiful new comments will begin to sprout from the pile in just a few days. First there’ll be little tendrils of haiku. Then longer, more robust slogan vines. Let the natural levels of text succession take their course and you can watch a full-grown treatise grow from what was once a jumble of useless, hackneyed comments.”

Update 3: 10/12/2006, 8:21 AM PST 930 comments so far: The home stretch!

I have found it highly entertaining to watch the dynamic of nest building. We start out with comments like “I challenge you to a bet to see whoever can make a comment string nest to the MAX first!” and “I just want this to nest until only one word shows per line.”

And then, of course, we get dozens of comments about the success of that plan of attack: “I find it difficult to read your blog, because I have to scroll horizontally. You may want to consider correcting this.”

By the way, if you’re having difficulty finding a certain post, you can try using the search box near the top of the left-hand column to help find them. It works pretty well.

Update 4: 10/12/2006, 9:51 AM PST 1000 comments! (Well, 1000 including quite a few from persons– such as myself– who are not members of the elite comment strike force, you slackers!)

(Click the “Reply” button below to post a comment.)

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1,193 thoughts on “The story with a thousand comments”

  1. Who knew that Chuck Norris would join the Elite Comment Strike Force? Well, my sweet, doe-eyed friends, he has! The Delta Force and Texas Rangers simply didn’t…complete me…in the way I expect to be completed as a part of this prestigious organization. I live and breathe for challenges like these. Yes, so things have slowed down for me lately. Don’t look at me like that! I’m doing just fine without your pity! What? I am not "needy." Oh, shut up. I’m going to slit my wrists over a large soup bowl! Is that what you want?

    Anyway. It’s great to be in the Force again. Uhm…Thank you, Rob, for the opportunity. I won’t let you down.

  3. Elite Force Drinking Song:

    Yes, we are elite!
    Yes, we comment a lot!
    We are the People working for Rob!
    And we make him Filthy Rich!

    Drink Hael!

    2. This makes me think of the Simpson’s Stone Cutters Song. Like we’re all sitting around a massive table in an underground lair commenting and drinking.

            1. That’s a very personal question, what someone puts in their drawers.

              Was that a pun? Did I just pun? I hate puns….

  5. Nice site. The greatest I’ve ever seen!

    (I’m trying to pretend I’m not part of the elite force)

    1. one time, Rob Cockerham sent me an email, personally. It was amazing, but not as amazing as EVILMADSCIENTIST.COM!!!!

      ZOMGIES!

  8. Have you ever had one of those days where nothing seems quite right? I ate a cupcake, and it was just too sweet. I tried to balance it out with some pizza, but the pizza was very, very salty. Now I’m thinking about eating another cupcake.

    This is, by the way, THE best site I have ever been to. So good, in fact, that I feel comfortable sharing with you my food issues. Also, if you ran for president, I’d vote for you. Twice.

  10. June Cockerham
    June Cleaver
    Meat Cleaver
    Meat and Three
    Three Blind Mice
    Ray Charles
    Georgia on My Mind
    Midnight Train to Georgia
    Gladys Knight and the Pips
    Pippy Longstocking
    4th Grade
    Mrs. Morgan
    Morgan Freeman
    Driving Miss Daisy
    Alabama
    Merry Christmas to you.

  14. As to the apparatus for taking over the world{AFTOW?}, how about those ill-tempered sea bass with the frickin’ lasers attached to their heads?

  15. By my calculations, it has been MORE than 24 hours since you posted this story, and we are not even halfway to the 1000 comment mark. It seems to me that a "strike force" ought to complete the mission within a day. Otherwise it’s more of a "meander force", isn’t it?

    1. I think the auction was more about quantity than quality or efficiency. Read the fine print, man.

  17. See, the thing is, Rob said comments, not intelligent comments. Or even intelligible ones. Sorry.

  18. Weaklings! You have met your match. I am a sentinel of the Anti-Comment Counter-Strike Force, and I am here to tell you that you don’t stand a…..

    what…? This counts as a comment? Son of a…

    Huh…? Bob Woodward’s on the line and wants to talk to me about strategy? Sure, I guess I have a moment. No…I mean, wait! No Comment!! Damnit.

  20. I just realized something. With everyone posting as anonymous, there’s no way to know that I didn’t post my quota. Ha-ha, I’m free!

    1. What about "Team Rob"? Don’t hit the showers now. Give it your all. 110%. Maybe even 111%. Rob needs you. Stacy needs you. June needs you. You promised. Is your word not your bond? The Bible says, "Let your yes be yes and your no be no." You don’t want to look back on this as one of your life’s most miserable failures. You can do it. We’re counting on you. Rob’s counting on you, and EMSL guy might even care a little bit.

      1. I can’t take it coach! Take me out! Put in that little guy, what’s his name, Rudy? The Gipper? Ronny Reagan?

    1. Is anyone else finding it difficult to comment without painstakingly going through and reading every single comment?

      -Rob

        1. It’s really darned tough, too, ’cause I have to scroll left to right to read. Man, it’s like I’m getting a cache miss on every line. Total inefficiency.

          1. Not only that, but once you post a comment, how do you find it again? (2 comments for this non-elite-strike-force-member so far!)

  24. hey, nice site, i promised to post a comment so here it is. congrats on the win

    The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

  25. So I’m sitting here in my stealth suit, black face paint, and I’m thinking…is this overkill?

    1. One can determine how much time a poster took to read other comments and post his own by checking the time stamp next to their posting. If you take a long time, you will get a later time, further up the page.

      1. Seriously, what could be better that that?

        Side note: what happens if the elite strike force does not leave 1000 comments, but you still get over 1000 comments? Hmm?

    2. I don’t remember how many times I pledged. I’ll take another whack at you though. Whack.

  28. This is it. My final comment. The last word, as it were. This is the end. Finito. Over and out. Signing off. Kiss my ass goodbye. Sayanora, sucker. Adios, amigos. Auf weidesehen. Later.

  29. I’m not part of the Elite Comments Strike Force, so I guess this comment doesn’t count. :)

  32. My personal best Halloween costume…

    Was last year. I picked up 60 vibrators for .69 cents each from Amazon (Gold colored – schpankity) and 15 .99 cent black buttplugs.

    Combined with hand-sewn Bandoliers (18 vibes per side), and split rings to make ‘grenades’, and 1 set of surplus army fatigues…

    I was an Adult Toy Soldier.

    The vibes looked great – like belted ammunition…and I gave away all but 9 of ’em that night – made a lot of friends…

  33. I’m going to be a vintage ’30’s mobster: pinstripe suit, black shirt, bright
    mono-color tie, and a violin case. it screams "don’t mess with me"

    1. I think I’m going to be a mad scientist for halloween this year!!!
      White lab coat….giant gray wig……big glasses with the goofy eyes….and LED Legos!!! Purrrfect

  36. Cubs Fact:
    The only unassisted triple play in cubs history was turned by shortstop Jimmy Cooney on may 30, 1927. Cooney caught Paul Wagner’s Line Drive, stepped on second to retire Lloyd Warner, and tagged the incoming Clyde Barnhart.

  37. Oooh, threaded!

    I’m gonna be a turn-of-the-century style strongman, a la Phineas and Barnaby on "Family Guy". Past costumes of mine have involved a lot of cockeyed-style construction, but it’ll be nice not to haul around multiple pounds of hardware.

    Congrats on winning the auction!

    Michael Doss
    http://www.insignifica.org

  38. The white raven is always a great costume, people love it and and they can’t stop talking!!! BTW super convienent password!!

    1. Bob: Larry, how much stuff does it take to make you happy?

      Larry: I don’t know. How much stuff is there?

  42. The past two years have been all 80s costumes for me. This year I may go an eyes wide shut masquerade outfit.

  45. earlier today i was sewing my hat,patching it, and i stabbed my thumb, deep, but surprisingly it didn’t bleed.

    1. I present you with a shiny, happy comment. May all your other comments be this
      happy and/or shiny.

      Jen

  46. I’m going to dress in all black, tape 40 skeletons to my body and go as a Blackwing Lair.

    *yes, that was a world of warcraft reference*

  47. For Halloween I’m going to buy individually-wrapped, Little Debby brand rice-krispie treats, and nail them to my front porch. Then I’ll put out a sign that says, "Free! Help yourself!" So what I’ll *be* for Halloween is a silly dork, looking out my window and laughing at the kids trying to grab nailed-down treats.

  49. Im going to go as a waitress, cause I will prolly have to work my part-time job. Unless i can talk the rest of the peeps into dressing up. Then I’ll have to think of something.

  50. Boy, as I wrote up my plans for Halloween I realized that’s a really pitiful plan (the rice krispie treats thing). I think I’m going to try a costume made out of plastic bottles. I’d like to have a water-cooler-bottle (one of those big blue plastic things) on my head, and maybe 2-liter soda bottles on my hands, etc. It would make great noises when I run into things. It’s usually important to have a costume that doesn’t prevent you from going to the bathroom at some point during the night… maybe I can just strategically place another bottle inside my costume… oh god, this is just as sad as the rice krispie treats thing. Will try to come up with something better by my next comment.

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