The story with a thousand comments

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Rob Cockerham, the genius behind cockeyed.com,(and one of the few, the proud, the Honorary Mad Scientists) decided to assemble an “Elite Comment Strike Force!!!” and auction off 1000 blog comments.

Watching this auction on eBay, one of the things that surprised me was the set of “Similar Items on eBay”; Rob wasn’t alone– and the other guys are serious! There are titles like “100,000 US BLOG Visitors to your BLOG! Real Traffic,” and “200 Articles To Boost Your Article Directory/Blog #3.” I hadn’t really appreciated that there was a market for this sort of mercenary blog traffic. I’ll have to keep that in mind next time that I’m a sleazy scum-of-the-internet spam-blog operator!

Do we need to buy hits for our web page? Well, no. It’s not like we have any advertising on this page with which to make money. But we are indeed willing to pay for the privilege of being the web site that was the victim of Rob’s “Elite Comment Strike Force!!!”

Naturally, I bid, along with 23 other eager folks. The final price was $90. (Hey, free shipping!)

So, here it is: This is the story with one thousand comments. Strike force, do your worst!!!

To help get things rolling, here’s a prompt (which you are completely free to ignore): “what are you going to be for Halloween?”

Update: 10/11/2006, 8:28 AM PST 172 comments so far.

Additional prompt (which you are completely free to ignore): “What kinds of apparatus and instruments for helping to take over the world would you like to see instructions for at evilmadscientist.com?”

Update 2: 10/11/2006, 2:13 PM PST 530 comments so far.
More than halfway there! Here is my favorite comment so far, which is from Anonymous @ 152.2.115.201:

“I hope you’ll recycle these comments when you’re done with them. If your local recycling service won’t accept comments, you can always take them out back and compost them. Beautiful new comments will begin to sprout from the pile in just a few days. First there’ll be little tendrils of haiku. Then longer, more robust slogan vines. Let the natural levels of text succession take their course and you can watch a full-grown treatise grow from what was once a jumble of useless, hackneyed comments.”

Update 3: 10/12/2006, 8:21 AM PST 930 comments so far: The home stretch!

I have found it highly entertaining to watch the dynamic of nest building. We start out with comments like “I challenge you to a bet to see whoever can make a comment string nest to the MAX first!” and “I just want this to nest until only one word shows per line.”

And then, of course, we get dozens of comments about the success of that plan of attack: “I find it difficult to read your blog, because I have to scroll horizontally. You may want to consider correcting this.”

By the way, if you’re having difficulty finding a certain post, you can try using the search box near the top of the left-hand column to help find them. It works pretty well.

Update 4: 10/12/2006, 9:51 AM PST 1000 comments! (Well, 1000 including quite a few from persons– such as myself– who are not members of the elite comment strike force, you slackers!)

(Click the “Reply” button below to post a comment.)

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1,193 thoughts on “The story with a thousand comments”

  2. I’m going to incorporate stilts into my costume this year. I just learned how to walk on stilts and I’m searching for a costume that takes them into account. Anyone have any good ideas? I don’t want to be just another tall uncle sam or something.

    1. The only thing I’ve come up with so far is a really tall millionaire.
      But that was just an excuse to have extremely long tails on my tux.
      Any better ideas out there?

      1. male or female?
        I think a really tall cigarette girl would be fun.. then peeps couldnt see what you actually are carrying around in your tray. maybe..I duno lol
        for a guy, what’s that caracter from the fantastic 4? the stretchy guy? might work

  3. The apparatus which I’ve had a need for for world domination is a reliable mind-control device. I’ve tried several devices, including well-reviewed units from Acme Corporation, but I’ve found them all wanting in various ways.

    Several are no more than a cheap pair of glasses whose lenses have been replaced by spiral-imprinted paperboard. Who do these manufacturers think I am? I demand a reliable, affordable, and most of all, effective mind-control device which is easy enough to use while on-the-go.

    Ideally, such a device would include a subconscious direction modulator, so that I wouldn’t have to broadcast my thoughts via voice for the mind-control modulation to work. There’s nothing worse than trying to mind-control some nymph into coming back to your lair and having the troll at the next table overhear. That brings me to my next point – directability. So far, no device which I’ve tried has made any claims as to the scope of the mind-control beam. (Beam? Is that right? It may be more of a field. I’ll have to look into it.) In a more perfect world (one of which I am not yet the ruler), there would perhaps be a scoping mechanism, maybe a laser, so that those with particularly difficult psyches could simply be cut into pieces rather than brainwashed into submission. Of course, now I’m just dreaming.

    No, what I need is a solid mind-control device, one which I may purchase from a reputable dealer, and then use to enslave the human race, without wasting a lot of time twiddling knobs or muttering superstitious incantations. That’s all I need.

    1. even though im not apart of the"official" comment strike force im an aveid reader of robs site and just couldnt resist helping out the winner

    2. Interesting… Have you tried the Brain Fusion? From what I understand it allows perfect control of anyone within 75 yards, yet you can isolate it to prevent bystanders from getting sucked in.

    1. You’ve gotta calm down with the ladies, bro. Just cause you’re on the Strike Force doesn’t mean you should try to hook up with everyone you meet. You’re not exactly Top Gun here, ya know? Maybe just work on finding ONE lady, get her tested out (just the basic fluids; blood, urine, stool, etc) and if everything goes well you can take her out for a nice steak dinner or something.

    1. They built the pyramids didn’t they?
      (I’m referring to the aliens, of course)

      Maybe aliens can help out for this seemingly impossible cause as well.

  7. If I get myself a business model, where should I go to start realizing the business? I’m looking at a $5M venture. Anybody here with that type of money lying around and no one to invest in?

    1. You’re worse than the guy who wanted to start his own electricity production business by attaching a generator to a wagon full of bricks. He pushed it down the mountain thinking he’d have enough electricity charged up to pull the wagon back up with juice to spare.

      At least his project didn’t waste $5M,,, only $200k of my money. What’s your plan?

      1. That’s brilliant! I can’t see how it wouldn’t work. Maybe if he doubled the number of bricks and hooked up the wagon to 2 generators?

  12. Apparatus to take over the world? I’d say to check out the giant Swiss Army Knife at Thinkgeek.com. With 85 tools, you could take over anything. The knife, some caffeine, some extra grocery bags… you can never have too many grocery bags… and a chair. I think you’d be all set with that.

    1. I agree. But I would add a turkey baster. A knife, caffeine, some shopping bags, a chair, and a turkey baster. Macgyver could build a rocket ship with those supplies.

    2. *smacks the Annonymous person above*

      What kind of moron did Rob allow to be Elite??

      Rob? Did you lower the standards like at public schools?? Hmmmm…We need an Elite English Teacher Strike Force…Make em Nun’s w/ rulers teaching typing and you’ll have terrorists crapping in their turbans.

  15. Ariamaki, adding new comments when others won’t!!
    By whih I mean, compensating for the stupid 5-letter comments left below/above me, view depending.

    I will respond in Bizzaro-Kind, posting one full multi-sentance comment for every stupid monosyllabic space-waste left on this article. Folks, this Force is supposed to be ELITE!

    I will keep the counter, just so I know when I have balanced it out again.
    AR (6/5)

    1. Good job Ariamaki. I mean if I had wasted… I mean SPENT $90 on comments, I’d be a little pissed if someone said "jjrctre". Mostly I’d be pissed at the fact that I don’t understand what they’re saying, and I’m afraid I’m missing out on some key knowledge simply because I can’t read retard.

  17. I would like to see the instructions on how to bottle common sense. Then I will inject it into every water source in the world.

  19. I hope you’ll recycle these comments when you’re done with them. If your local recycling service won’t accept comments, you can always take them out back and compost them. Beautiful new comments will begin to sprout from the pile in just a few days. First there’ll be little tendrils of haiku. Then longer, more robust slogan vines. Let the natural levels of text succession take their course and you can watch a full-grown treatise grow from what was once a jumble of useless, hackneyed comments.

    1. There’s the halfway mark!
      I just printed these comments out at work, and they took 30 pages to print. Awesome!

      -Rob

  24. I’m not really part of the strike force, even though I did get here via Cockeyed.com
    But for some reason I feel compelled to comment. So far I’ve done 6. I guess it’s just fun to be a part of it. To see how far we can push it.

    1. You always were that crazy rebel, huh? I bet you even take a sip of the milk a day after the expiration date. Am I right?!

      1. Goodness no, after the expiration date? Ok, so I have milk in my fridge that might be a year past expiration, but I ain’t touching it.

  27. Today I noticed something strange. I bought two boxes of Wheatables: one original flavor reduced fat, and the other was Seven Grain.

    The seven grain had a serving size of 17 crackers, and a servings per container of 8.
    The original has a serving size of 19 crackers, and a servings per container of 8 as well. That means there could be 16 more crackers in the original box. But the boxes supposedly WEIGH THE EXACT SAME AMOUNT? WTF?

    Maybe the original crackers are a tiny bit smaller?

    2. Seven grain crackers are obviously heavier because of all the extra grain. That’s a lot of grain! Six more than normal!

  28. Gosh darnit. I’m almost out of ideas to post about.

    Good thing I’m a highly trained commenter, or else I would have given up by now.

  30. I have a question. I see there is a "report abuse" link.

    What kind of abuse am I free to report?

  31. Hey it’s OK *Lines up sights for a headshot*

    At least you can forever be known as the guy that paid ninety bucks for comments!!

    For ninety bucks I mighta just unleashed a spam bot on my own website

    That Damn Tony Midnite Spam Bot

        1. That wasn’t right….Lord forgive me….And give food to them starvin’ Pigmy’s in ethiopia down there… Git ‘Er Done!!

  32. your page is too wide, even for my 19" monitor
    but i am sure it is lovely
    well, i guess you do have lots of layered comments so I forgive you

      1. For a "Elite Strike Force" We seem to be strategically dominating this comment board….

        Mad Scientist….Don’t be a puss and close the comments at 999 to keep from havin to pay!!!

  34. I’ve often wondered what a person does with 1000 comments? Does having 1000 comments give you super powers or world pease? If I had super powers I think I would want flying. Of course Batman has no super powers which make you wonder "Does money really buy radishes?"

    1. Superman won "Best Superhero" last night on some dumb award show. That’s just WRONG. No one beats Batman!!!

    2. i’d be happy with world peas…that’d put an end to those begging bar-stewards at christian aid

  35. You guys need to get a real name. Posting as anonymous is childish. this is supposed to be ELITE!!! Sign up for a name and give this man what he deserves. the auction wasn’t for Kindergarden comment strick force it was for ELITE COMMAND COMMENT SUPER COOL POWERFULL AWSOME STRIKE FORCE.

    ps I just ate two bags a gummy bears

    1. He didn’t even give us anything to comment on, so why should we sign up for the website. I think rob should refund his money and we can give our comments to someone else.

  36. So for $90 Rob posts a link on his website so people can come here and post on yours? I used to like Rob’s site because he had actual interesting stories, projects and whatnot being posted. Over the past year or two, it’s evolved into an AdSense/eBay bonanza.

    Yeah, yeah, he had a kid unexpectedly and got married and all that jazz. Why not just shamelessly admit he’s turned it into a commercial adventure?

    Still, I think Rob should do a How Much Is Inside? Rob’s Wallet.

    1. All right, first of all I see no reason why he should be paying out money to host a site that so many people enjoy. Especially since the more people enjoy it, the more he has to spend. So he gets to recoup some costs. Maybe some months he makes a couple bucks…what’s wrong with that? He never said he was a charity, you want him to put all this time into entertaining you, for free?

      And secondly, you want to break the guy’s balls over 90 bucks? And a couple hundred a month from ad auctions? If you worked at that wage at whatever job you have, how would you feel about someone giving you a hard time about it?

    2. I like the idea of a commercial adventure. IT sounds like the sort of thing you might see on a direct-to-video release circa 1994.

      Unfortunately, I think you meant a commercial venture, unless you were engaging in moderately clever wordplay and implying that it was an adventure.

      I doubt it, though. Additionally, that’s not clever. Not even moderately.

  37. Well, first, I’m going to be Aladdin Sane for Halloween.
    Yes, David Bowie, biotches!

    Secondly, there was a mention of the SJ airport. I lived in San Jose for 11 years and there is a reason that it’s the capital of Silicon Valley! Where else would a geek vandalize like that?

  39. I might recycle my Halloween costume from a couple of years ago when I was Rosie The Riveter. Other options is to be a communist dictator with my boyfriend, probably Kim Jong Il since I’m quite short, or maybe Punky Brewster for nostalgia sake. I still have some time to figure it out.

  43. I Agree… People should really create an account. Posting as anonymous is not according to guidelines.

  44. Here’s your comment, you really need to fix the scrolling on the page… No one likes to scroll right to read text, then have to go back left for the next line. Meep Meep

  45. Today I learned an important lesson. It was a hard lesson; one that left me reeling and trying to recover my admittedly tenuous grip on reality. It cut right to my core and change the very make up of my soul. When I write my autobiography at some future time it will be the single most life changing event I have ever experienced, and I will be able to say entirely without hyperbole that it infact changed the direction that the world is headed in. Even though it is a moment held so dear to me that to reveal it would be as though I was standing naked on a revolving stage being mocked by elderly woodchucks, I feel that I simply must disclose it so that others can experience my epiphany.

    DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT EAT LADYBUGS! THEY TASTE REALLY REALLY REALLY BAD….REALLY!

    So there my friends, I feel much better knowing that my knowledge will be passed on throughout the ages, changing the mind of great people until the end of time.

  46. William Howard Taft had a cow named Pauline.
    I have a cow named Pauline,
    she urinates blood,
    but she doesn’t chew her cud.
    no sir, not this cow…
    because when you eat love,
    there’s no need to regurgitate.

    I wish that I could be known
    as the fattest President ever to live,
    to wedge myself in the White House bath tub.
    But for cripe’s sake, I have a thyroid problem
    and it keeps me thin.

    Also I’d be the last leader of the free world
    to sport some splendid facial hair,
    a walrus-man moustache, oh yeah baby,
    I ain’t no lame-duck one-term dud.
    It’s just that my cow, she pees blood.

    I think she’s Jesus.

    1. Wow, great site! I’ll have to check the whole thing out later.
      I’m not too sure what I’m going to be for Halloween. I was thinking "weird". I’ll just put on a bunch of weird things :P
      Or maybe a corn dog!

    2. I found this very same poem written on a
      very carefully folded slip of paper hidden inside
      of my grandmother’s sock sack.

      Don’t ask me why she keeps her socks in a sack,
      or why I felt the urge to bury my arms
      elbow-deep in said sack. I’ll never forget the look on her face, though, for as long as I live.
      Damn, she was mad. She didn’t even give me
      time to get dressed before she sent me to my
      room and forced me to write this comment
      as punishment.

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