Rob Cockerham, the genius behind cockeyed.com,(and one of the few, the proud, the Honorary Mad Scientists) decided to assemble an “Elite Comment Strike Force!!!” and auction off 1000 blog comments.
Watching this auction on eBay, one of the things that surprised me was the set of “Similar Items on eBay”; Rob wasn’t alone– and the other guys are serious! There are titles like “100,000 US BLOG Visitors to your BLOG! Real Traffic,” and “200 Articles To Boost Your Article Directory/Blog #3.” I hadn’t really appreciated that there was a market for this sort of mercenary blog traffic. I’ll have to keep that in mind next time that I’m a sleazy scum-of-the-internet spam-blog operator!
Do we need to buy hits for our web page? Well, no. It’s not like we have any advertising on this page with which to make money. But we are indeed willing to pay for the privilege of being the web site that was the victim of Rob’s “Elite Comment Strike Force!!!”
Naturally, I bid, along with 23 other eager folks. The final price was $90. (Hey, free shipping!)
So, here it is: This is the story with one thousand comments. Strike force, do your worst!!!
To help get things rolling, here’s a prompt (which you are completely free to ignore): “what are you going to be for Halloween?”
Update: 10/11/2006, 8:28 AM PST 172 comments so far.
Additional prompt (which you are completely free to ignore): “What kinds of apparatus and instruments for helping to take over the world would you like to see instructions for at evilmadscientist.com?”
Update 2: 10/11/2006, 2:13 PM PST 530 comments so far.
More than halfway there! Here is my favorite comment so far, which is from Anonymous @ 152.2.115.201:
“I hope you’ll recycle these comments when you’re done with them. If your local recycling service won’t accept comments, you can always take them out back and compost them. Beautiful new comments will begin to sprout from the pile in just a few days. First there’ll be little tendrils of haiku. Then longer, more robust slogan vines. Let the natural levels of text succession take their course and you can watch a full-grown treatise grow from what was once a jumble of useless, hackneyed comments.”
Update 3: 10/12/2006, 8:21 AM PST 930 comments so far: The home stretch!
I have found it highly entertaining to watch the dynamic of nest building. We start out with comments like “I challenge you to a bet to see whoever can make a comment string nest to the MAX first!” and “I just want this to nest until only one word shows per line.”
And then, of course, we get dozens of comments about the success of that plan of attack: “I find it difficult to read your blog, because I have to scroll horizontally. You may want to consider correcting this.”
By the way, if you’re having difficulty finding a certain post, you can try using the search box near the top of the left-hand column to help find them. It works pretty well.
Update 4: 10/12/2006, 9:51 AM PST 1000 comments! (Well, 1000 including quite a few from persons– such as myself– who are not members of the elite comment strike force, you slackers!)
(Click the “Reply” button below to post a comment.)
…for fear of getting caned.
:D ouch.
so awesome.
aurgasm
your favorite music you’ve never heard
Every year there are a couple of really obvious halloween costumes. I hope I never choose one of those.
-Rob
I would really like to see a clever evil machine designed to create other clever evil machines, such that you would not have to come up with more ideas on how to be a successful mad scientist.
As an aspring evil mad scientist, in order to bring my plot of world domination to fruition, I’m going to need 1,000 elephants. Any idea how to go about acquiring them? I hear the population of African elephants has recently tripled, but there is a logistical problem to be overcome and I could use some help.
-Leperflesh
Shma, shmanana. That is all
arrgghh! Tooo many comments
Wow, I almost accidentally tried to read all the comments. What an idiot!
-Leperflesh
"SINGLE WHITE FEMALE 26 seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.
I’m a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods,
riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. freemammograms@yahoo.com
I’m going to be balls for Halloween. I like balls.
…with extreme vengeance.
HUZZAH!
heh. i’m not going as anything (for halloween), but my daughter, who is one, is going as an octofish.
Is the octofish anything like this?
—
Windell H. Oskay
drwho(at)evilmadscientist.com
http://www.evilmadscientist.com/
Did you know that the *real* plural of octopus is octopodes? The ‘pus’ is the Greek word for foot and should take Greek plural endings, not Latin. The Latin for foot is ‘pes’ and the plural is ‘pedes’ because it is 3rd declention. ‘pus’ going to ‘pi’ is a false rendering of ‘pus’ as a 2nd decl. (like cactus which really does go to cacti in the plural).
I shall now return to my lowly life of learning dead languages.
I once flirted with a boy in Latin.
Things went well until I found out he was not into the ladies.
That’s when I decided to not take another semester of that class.
The New York subways have names and letters and numbers. They are not colors. Don’t you dare call them by colors. They have names and letters and numbers. The 4 is not the green train; it is the IRT Lex Ave Express. The 6 is not the green train; it is the IRT Lex Ave Local. An idiot asked for the orange train at King’s Highway. It is not the orange train. It is the F train. He should be deported to Mars for calling it the orange train! The trains have names and letters and numbers!
yeah, and don’t call my city ‘Frisco’. It shows you’re not just a foriegner, but a clueless foriegner.
And if you call it "the 101" or "the 280", you’re also showing yourself to be a southern-californian and therefore not welcome. It’s "101" and "280".
And you don’t ride "the MUNI". It’s just "MUNI". And those are streetcars, you outsider – if you want a cable-car (aka trolley) you have to go downtown. If you call a streetcar "an LRV" you’re kickin’ it oldschool.
I wish I could teleport.
so do I
Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.
BALLS!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Argh!!! This &@^# comment system keeps rejecting my comments!!!! It’s not spam, you freaking pile of code!
For Halloween, I’m going dressed as a typical middle-class white male worker-drone at a large silicon-valley software company. I already drive a VW Golf, so, it’s a perfect fit.
I will be pretending to collect candy for my sick younger sibling this Halloween!
The bestest evil apparatus would be some sort of delicious automatic pie consumption machine.
I feel so used :(
10 PRINT “I ROCK AT BASIC”
20 GOTO 10
RUN
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bozo
Dude, that was the first program I ever wrote, nigh on 12 years ago. Wow, pretty cool.
The joys of GWBASIC!
WHOA. That might be the best program I’ve EVER SEEN.
You are what is known as a 1337 h4x0R.
15 FLASH
A million years ago, mankind invented the knife – the first tool ever invented – and discovered fire, the first scientific advance ever made. Man’s knife helped feed him better, and clothe him better, and Man’s fire helped him eat better, and kept him safer.
Ten thousand years ago, Man first began to build civilizations, settling in one place and using agriculture. Every man still carried a knife, and every man knew how to make a fire. But settlements allowed a small minority of people to specialize, becoming potters, or leatherworkers, or weelwrights, or blacksmiths, or priests, or boatmakers.
One hundred years ago, well into the Industrial Age, nearly everyone had become some kind of specialist. Farmer or banker, maid or linguist, politician or watchmaker, the process of specialization (at least in the first world) was almost total. Only one man in three carried a knife.
Two years ago, I moved into an apartment I chose specifically because it has a fireplace. I recently paid $90 for a load of high-quality, pre-chopped Almond wood. Whenever I want, I can build a cozy fire in my apartment, which is already at the perfect temperature, thanks to my central heating. Fewer than one in a hundred people carry a knife, and increasingly, doing so is illegal, considered dangerous, or at least draws unwanted attention and suspicion. Almost nobody anywhere in my society would be capable of going into the wilderness and, using only what they had on them and what they could find there, building a fire, making a knife, or surviving.
Today, someone who carries a knife, and can make fire, is a mad scientist.
-Leperflesh
Okay, now I’ve done 10.
-Lep
Or a boy scout.
As they say, with great comments comes great responsibility
and since i am only a lowly student with only mediocre responsibility, here is a simply mediocre comment
congrats on the win, heres a comment.
Interesting post. I once had a similar situation while kayaking in American Samoa, but I won’t bore you with the details.
I’m not very good at at making stuff, and I’m too cheap to buy a costume, so I dress up as a member of Kris Kross every year.
I’m going as a dirty nun. Trite, but how much fun! Fiance’s going as a priest :-)
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stupid ascii comments!
Last year my son wanted to be a castle for Halloween, then a dragon and then a cowboy. He ended up being a Cowboy Dragon Castle.
Assisting with the 1000 comments! Just doing my part!
I want to be the 1000th comment SO BAD!
For a while I thought about being Janet Reno, but I ditched it because (being a girl) I look too girly. It would be a good costume for a man though!
I like to pick obscure literary/historical/mythological characters to be for Halloween. Maybe this year I will cover myself in brown and green felt and be Robigo, the Roman god of blight and fungus
I almost freaked out because I couldn’t find the reply button. *is okay now*
It also took me an embarrassing amount of time to find the comment button.
But really… that would be the ultimate practical joke: take away the reply button.
<p>, <b>, <strong>, <i>, <a>, <em>, <br>, <tt>, <hr>, <li>, <ol>, <ul>, <code>, <pre>, [code], [story:], [event:], [staticpage:], [link:], [flickr:]
sorry, felt the need to test that
This may not help conquer the world, but I always wanted to know how to make a home-made still. Hmm… potato liquor!
Oh heavens… 8 comments left. What was I thinking?
So… how about that Ben Lee? Maybe some Wolfmother?
That’s what I’m addicted to right now.
That and crystal meth.
its a pain in the arse to find my post after I comment……
This has been fun!
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There’s a search box in the upper left of the screen, which you can use to
find your comments. It’s easier if you leave your name in them or
something!
—
Windell H. Oskay
drwho(at)evilmadscientist.com
http://www.evilmadscientist.com/
Have you tried doing a google? I would think a potato still would be to find instructions for. I know you need a boiler, a condenser coil and a drip bottle but that’s as far as my knowledge goes.
I don’t actually know how to use the internet. Which is very sad, because I’m sure it would make ordering off of e-bay a lot easier. They sure don’t like it when you send in orders through the telegraph!
Happy belated Canadian Thanksgiving! Turkey and hockey for all!
i commenti devono essere in inglese?
se no, posso scrivere un po’. Infatti, se si, posso scrivere in po’, perche questo non e’ il mio primo lingua.
Mi dispiace tanto agli italiani. Veramente.
i’m feeling a little slow on the posting to be part of the elite force…
I hope that I get paid for this.
It might be even more sad that every time I comment, I STILL have trouble finding the reply button.
Something in my brain is broken.
Maybe I will be an evil mad scientist for halloween!
wow, this I posted a comment when there were only 35, now over 600. Hmm I
think this story is growing by the day.
wmkone
I have an African history test tomorrow that I really don’t want to study for. or "for which I do not want to study". Maybe I’ll just make a B in there. It never killed anyone to make a B in a class. Plus it’s not in my major or really important to my degree in Latin, so it probably don’t be very important to grad schools looking at my transcript. Damn, I need to work on my grad school applications. Right after I translate from John Donne into Latin and finish reading 4 chapters of African history. And then do vocabulary for Xenophon and Tacitus. Which I will have to do after my University Democrats meeting at 8. No sleep for the wicked or the graduating seniors.
I love Halloween.
Woo Hoo! Congrats on your winning bid!
I’m going to be a pirate…
My son is going to be a pirate. Jack Sparrow to be exact.
I’m going to be a pirate for Halloween too. A pirate with a straw hat…
You are still 300 comments short.
Im going to be Abe Lincoln,
Bond, James Bond
I love posting my comments
I wasn’t elite enough to get on the strike force, so I just consider this practice for when they have their next try-outs (even though we all know it’s all political who gets accepted – it’s a damn popularity contest). Make sure you get the 1000 comments you paid for. Comments from freelance commenters shouldn’t count towards the total.
http://www.SFFixed.com BOOM BOOM BOOM
i’m going to sleep now.
in St. Augustine, Florida on Thursday or Friday, say Hi to my boys, who are on fall break, and will probably be there sometime too.
Hay guys whats going on in this thread
Eep!
So, Windell, I was thinking about you the other day and starting singing a Cake song and I wondered if you liked the band Cake….So, do you like the band Cake?
This long line of comments is all because of you.
(Wow– anonymous visitors are thinking about me and singing songs
because of me. This is weird.)
—
Windell H. Oskay
drwho(at)evilmadscientist.com
http://www.evilmadscientist.com/
It has taken me THREE HOURS to eat this burger you got me!
Did you ever notice that if you need an alias, you could be the Dam Live Scientist Laboratories. You could pronounce it like "Dahhm Leeeeve" and be all fancy.
Rob should make an Elite Comment Strike Force t-shirt.
Then we could have everybody go out on halloween wearing sunglasses and the ultra-cool ECSF shirt. Like Secret Service agents, only cooler.
Just a thought.
And then he could sell T-shirts with all thousand comments on them!
Don’t you think it is weird how toast is made?
It’s like, you put bread into the toaster, and TOAST comes out. Where does the bread go???