The story with a thousand comments

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Rob Cockerham, the genius behind cockeyed.com,(and one of the few, the proud, the Honorary Mad Scientists) decided to assemble an “Elite Comment Strike Force!!!” and auction off 1000 blog comments.

Watching this auction on eBay, one of the things that surprised me was the set of “Similar Items on eBay”; Rob wasn’t alone– and the other guys are serious! There are titles like “100,000 US BLOG Visitors to your BLOG! Real Traffic,” and “200 Articles To Boost Your Article Directory/Blog #3.” I hadn’t really appreciated that there was a market for this sort of mercenary blog traffic. I’ll have to keep that in mind next time that I’m a sleazy scum-of-the-internet spam-blog operator!

Do we need to buy hits for our web page? Well, no. It’s not like we have any advertising on this page with which to make money. But we are indeed willing to pay for the privilege of being the web site that was the victim of Rob’s “Elite Comment Strike Force!!!”

Naturally, I bid, along with 23 other eager folks. The final price was $90. (Hey, free shipping!)

So, here it is: This is the story with one thousand comments. Strike force, do your worst!!!

To help get things rolling, here’s a prompt (which you are completely free to ignore): “what are you going to be for Halloween?”

Update: 10/11/2006, 8:28 AM PST 172 comments so far.

Additional prompt (which you are completely free to ignore): “What kinds of apparatus and instruments for helping to take over the world would you like to see instructions for at evilmadscientist.com?”

Update 2: 10/11/2006, 2:13 PM PST 530 comments so far.
More than halfway there! Here is my favorite comment so far, which is from Anonymous @ 152.2.115.201:

“I hope you’ll recycle these comments when you’re done with them. If your local recycling service won’t accept comments, you can always take them out back and compost them. Beautiful new comments will begin to sprout from the pile in just a few days. First there’ll be little tendrils of haiku. Then longer, more robust slogan vines. Let the natural levels of text succession take their course and you can watch a full-grown treatise grow from what was once a jumble of useless, hackneyed comments.”

Update 3: 10/12/2006, 8:21 AM PST 930 comments so far: The home stretch!

I have found it highly entertaining to watch the dynamic of nest building. We start out with comments like “I challenge you to a bet to see whoever can make a comment string nest to the MAX first!” and “I just want this to nest until only one word shows per line.”

And then, of course, we get dozens of comments about the success of that plan of attack: “I find it difficult to read your blog, because I have to scroll horizontally. You may want to consider correcting this.”

By the way, if you’re having difficulty finding a certain post, you can try using the search box near the top of the left-hand column to help find them. It works pretty well.

Update 4: 10/12/2006, 9:51 AM PST 1000 comments! (Well, 1000 including quite a few from persons– such as myself– who are not members of the elite comment strike force, you slackers!)

(Click the “Reply” button below to post a comment.)

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1,193 thoughts on “The story with a thousand comments”

    1. If kangaroos in Austrailia are as common as deer are in the United States, do they have fake kangaroos on their lawns in Austrailia?

  2. I am too lazy to read the rest of these comments to see what I should even respond too, so instead i will talk about what I want to talk about, and that is tea. Lapsang souchong smells like camp fires and is delicious, I suggest everyone try some.

    -Ego

    1. Untrue.

      I found this (from Merriam-Webster) to be the most fitting defintition of "cheap":

      "purchasable below the going price or the real value"

      As it turns out, a great number of people recieve comments without the involvement of any monetary exchange. $0.00 is the most common rate (the "going price," if you will) for a single comment, whereas nine cents is a significatly greater expense.

      1. Not to mention the fact that the real "value" of most of the comments are negative.

        Comments like this one deflate the price for the rest of them :P

  5. I really want other people to comment on my comments. I guess to validate my existence or something.

      2. I wrote this poem for my creative writing class:

        I wish i were a cigarette,
        Because then,
        All the cool kids,
        Would be doing me.

    2. I think your comment needs work. Needs to be more… how can I put it…

      Commenty.

      Yeah, that’s it.

  6. Luca Toni is my hero. Does anyone know if it’s true that the Italian national team doesn’t play until March (marzo)?

        1. Try to have a last name too. It’s key. Being a red shirt for halloween can be really fun and creative though.

  9. Have you seen those late-night commercials for "Love Lines" or whatever it is that they call those sleazy phone meetings for singles in your area? Does anyone actually call those?

      1. My sister suspects that every caller is a pathetic male, with maybe one girl paid to play along.

        I think she’s probably right.

        2. But I thought she really liked me. That’s why I stayed on the line for 4 hours. And it was only $3.99 per minute.

  10. It’s 1:10 am. I have a little over eight hours to finish a major presentation I’m only half done with. It’s freezing in here. I’m starving. I need to wash my hair. And what am I doing?

    MAKING AN AWESOME COMMENT ON AN AWESOME STORY!!! YEAH MAN!!!

  11. Something’s just occurred to me:

    You know on sitcoms how sometimes a celebrity will make a guest appearance, but they’ll just be playing the role of an
    oridnary person, but then other times, a star will appear on the show as themself? It’s sort of like life, isn’t it?

    If you’re here, you’re probably a Rob Cockerham fan, right? He’s sort of a celebrity to you, but to the rest of the world,
    who is he? Wait… That’s not really a connection at all. It sort of seemed like part of it made a bit of sense in my head,
    but then I wrote it out and… Yeah, no, this is just… this is nothing.

    Still that whole thing in sitcoms – that’s pretty weird, right?

      1. We are strong,
        Heartache to heartache we stand,
        No promises, no demands
        Love is a battlefield…

  15. As a member of the Elite Comments Strike Force, I am happy to post a comment to your entry.
    I’ve browsed your sit and find it wildly entertaining!
    I’ll check back often!

  16. Hi there.
    Infiltrator here. I’m tagging along with the elite strike force, but I’m not actually enlisted with them. ALL YOUR SECRETS ARE BELONG TO MY EVIL EMPLOYERS! BAHAHAHA

    A

    C
    A
    T

    I
    S

    F
    I
    N
    E

    T
    O
    O

  17. 830 Comments… I wasn’t really that sure the Comment Force would actually come through but it looks like they’re troopers!

    1. Although it does seem like the momentum might be dying…
      Kinda like the popcorn in the microwave… you know you
      want each of those extra kernels that pop, but then you
      risk burning the whole bag… that might be the most
      important choice I make all day. Now I realize that has nothing
      to do with writing comments, but …

      Well, i just want popcorn.

      1. But much like a popcorn connossieur who takes pride in popping every last kernel, our dignity as elite strike force commenters will drive us forward to 1000. Ideally, we’ll all stop at exactly 1000. No overtime for us.

        1. Yeah, I’ve been wondering about that myself…we as a strike force have a mission of 1000 comments…no more, no less. So hopefully it stops right at 1000, dunzo.

  19. I don’t even remember if I signed up to be a member of the comment strike force but I figure better safe than sorry….

    1. It’s terrible, isn’t it. We should have had this in the bag in about 6 hours. I have little doubt we’ll make it, though, expecially once all the elite strike force slackers get to work this morning.

  21. Well, isn’t that just prime?

    I had no idea we could recycle comments. Here I was letting mine sit on my own blog and -fester-!

    Admittedly, there aren’t too many, but we’re like a family! *sniff*

  23. "What kinds of apparatus and instruments for helping to take over the world would you like to see instructions for at evilmadscientist.com?"

    The One Ring of Sauron, or perhaps irresistable, yummy, mind control cupcakes.

    On third thought, a roll of duct/duck tape the size of Earth’s moon. Then I could threaten to tape up the world unless everyone eats a cupcake.

    Pablo Alloy Guacamole

    1. *starts to panic*

      No…No…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

      Not Friday! Anything but Friday. Here, I have a perfectly good Monday. Take the Monday.

      *shoves a Monday into poster’s hands*

      Have mercy!!!!!!!!!!

  25. Recycle Comments?

    I don’t even know if these are #1 comments, #2, or #5. Our comment recycling center won’t take the #5 type.

    PS- I tried to draw the little triangle arrow recycling symbol thingy around the comments, but my pencil wouldn’t write on the screen. Next time I will find a crayon. I promise.

    Pablo Alloy
    Lucha Labrador

  26. It’s going to take 48 hours to fulfill the 1000 comment comittment. We’re hardly a forceful Force.

  29. Well a good morning to all our friends over the water, are we all ready for
    a full comment onslaught?

  31. Ok a question for the Evil Mad Scientist that has been bugging me….If water
    cannot be compressed then what would happen to water in a Black Hole???

      1. Ok, so just how far can it be compressed….or would it not be water any
        more once under said compression?!?

  32. Aubergines are half price at my local supermarket at the moment….better
    snap em up quick before the word gets out!

    1. One year, my daughter was a witch and my son was a bank robber. My son was 6’3" tall, and my daughter was barely 5 feet at the time. So even with her hat on, my son still towered over his sister. It made for some great pictures!

  35. and search for "dorm shower", and then watch the one where these guys stopped up their shower, and turned it into a swimming pool. Pretty creative. Something I’d expect from my friend Rob!

  37. Oh, hooray! I wrote the "favorite comment so far"! (That was the suggestion to recycle the comments.) From the scientific masterminds who create Lego Abominations (who even coin the *name* Lego Abominations), I consider that quite a compliment.

  39. Oh crap! I lost track of how many comments I’ve written. I think I probably owe a couple more.

    1. I’m going to go as my boss for halloween.
      A crazy Hawaiian shirt, khakis, a pen in my pocket. I might even replicate his name tag.
      It’ll be great cuz I’m a girl.

  40. I find it difficult to read your blog, because I have to scroll horizontally. You may want to consider correcting this.

    Signed,
    A new reader

  42. Why should he correct this? Who are you, oh important one, for him to modify his handiwork!

    Sincerely,
    A Longtime EMSL Fan

    1. Longtime fan,

      You don’t have to be so hostile. I was just making a suggestion! Jeeze, if this is the atmosphere here, I just won’t come back!

      Annoyedly,
      a new reader

      1. new reader,

        oooh, do you want me to pop your cherry and give you a real EVIL flaming? We’re nastee here at EMSL, so get used to it. If you can’t stand the heat…

        -longtime EMSL fan

        1. so called fan-

          Please, you think I can’t take it? I can give it like no other. I come from tougher stock than you- my mother wore combat boots!

          -newbie

          1. newbie-

            wow, you’ve got more spunk than I thought. Maybe you will find a home here at EMSL. Hey, are you a boy or a girl?

            -infatuated fan

                1. ok. send me the address. I have never done anything liek this before… but there is something about you!

                2. newbie,

                  come to http://www.<content blocked>.us – My name over there is ‘da bad ass’. But you can call me by my real name, JD.

                  Can’t wait to get private and personal with you.

                  -fan

                7. I am 32 stone, 15 years old – I like star wars and star trek, play WoW, I dont like school.

          2. *sits back with a bowl of Cheerios*

            This is getting heated. It’s almost more exciting than the fist fight I saw the other day.

  43. 807 comment so far,
    807 comments,
    You type on your ‘board,
    and add to the hoard,
    808 comments so far!

    1. *stares blankly out the window*

      WHY did it have to snow?????

      *considers taking a blow torch to the snow…and then shakes her fist*

      I’ll show it who’s boss around here…

      1. *steps outside in her pink heart pjs, holding a huge blow torch*

        Take that you cold hearted sky dust!

        *sets the front lawn on fire and runs away*

  45. Hmm, what am I going to be Halloween? Well, being a dad, the focus is on
    my kid. I’m not as talented at Rob. He’s a dad and a Halloween costume
    kind of guy. Way to represent Rob!

    1. Oh, but I forgot to tell you, my kid is going as Peter Pan. He was Peter Pan
      last year, but once he found out his cousin was going to be Cpt. Hook, it
      was settled, Peter Pan again.

      1. Oh, and the best part? My kid wants to be Peter Pan, "So we can fight!"
        ‘Cause that’s what Cpt. Hook and Peter Pan do, right? They fight? Right.

        Except, my guess is his cousin wants to be Cpt. Hook because it comes with
        a giant purple hat and feather. What can he say? He’s a feather, not a
        fighter.

        ARG

  46. A rabbi, a plumber, Michael Jordan, and a grasshopper walk into a bar.

    The bartender says "What is this, a joke?"

    1. This comment stuff if fun. We should do this more often. Next time…2,000 comments!!!! Soon….the WORLD!

      1. They Walked into it at the same time…Or they were drunk

        Maybe they were blind….How insensitive of you.

      2. I dreamed last night about my ex of 3 years . . . damn, thought I was finally getting over her. guess not. maybe after 3 more years, huh.

  47. Produced by E.M.S Lab engineer Windell,
    a new type of vehicle has been launched.
    Only produced once, the SWATC (pronounced swat-SEE) is capable of 0 – 1000 C in over 48 hours.
    C is the new measurement specifically developed for the SWATC.
    E.M.S Labs plan to keep this measurement top secret for as long as the SWATC makes it up to 1000 C.
    The process is going well, as a whole team of testers and experimenters (courtesy of one Robert. C), is partaking in taking the SWATC up to 1000 C.
    The new type of vehicle is purely experimental.
    It has been attracting a lot of attention.

  48. Sometimes I come into work and I look around and think about working on my work. Then I read the interweb instead. But I still get paid.

  49. We’re less than 100 away! I predict we will complete our mission by 12 noon EDT, there will be a mad dash to be the last commenter!

    1. Is 1000 a hard cap or a soft cap? If this thread goes over the comments cap, does it have to pay a comments luxury tax to help support the other threads that don’t get many comments at all?

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